Sorry to disappoint. This isn't going to be a discussion of Jim Morrison and I'm sure when he made this statement, he wasn't talking about end of life planning. But the statement is very true. No one gets out alive.
All your life you plan for the future or someone plans for you when you're young. By the time you're in high school you're doing the planning. College? Trade school? The military? Once the career path is started, there's planning for your first house, a bigger car, your kids, their education and your retirement. Life moves on, one plan after the other until, if you're lucky, all those plans work out and the retirement plan that was put into place is functioning as it should. You're retired. You're taking it easy and, suddenly, all planning stops. Why is that? Do you think you're going to continue in retirement for eternity?
No, sad to say, you're going to die. Well, yes, but there's no need to plan for that. Plan or no plan, no one gets out alive. True, but we don't disappear or blow up on a certain date and that's that. Some will die peacefully in their sleep or in a quick accident, but far too many will have a long and lingering death. And some of those will linger in a mental state that makes it impossible for them to make decisions or communicate with caregivers. What then? What's the plan?
You can't stop planning when you reach retirement. You have to keep the plan going as long as you are above ground. What decisions do you want made if you can't make them? Who do you want to make them? In these days of medical miracles and longer lives, it's absolutely essential to consider what you want at the end of your life. And then you need to write it down or create a living will. Make sure the person you select "to pull the plug" is someone who can actually do it. Don't put that chore on someone who can't let you go. Maybe your spouse or children aren't the best to nominate for this position. Whoever it is, talk to them before their services are needed and let them know what your wishes are and when to take action. Don't leave your end of life planning to others.
You can consult with attorneys or find forms on the Internet to help you figure out what may need to be done and who best to do it. http://www.caringinfo.org/files/public/ad/Tennessee.pdf is a good place to start. If you're not in Tennessee, there are forms for every state. This will give you an idea of what to think about and what to discuss with your family and friends. And you can prepay your funeral expenses and even write your own eulogy. But don't put it off for too long. Although no one gets out alive, not many of us know when we're going.
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Thursday, December 31, 2015
Sunday, August 17, 2014
How to live well on a lower inomce -- Move back in with your parents!
No way am I moving back in with my parents!! Or, yes, that's exactly what I want to do but they don't want me any more. I'm 36 years old and I have no place to go, whaaaaaaaa!!
I'm not talking about freeloading. I'm talking about sharing a home and the expenses.
Maybe neither of you have much money and by joining forces you can improve your standard of living.
My mother and I have been sharing a home for twenty-one years in this last go around. We shared a home for the first 18 years of my life, to which I contributed very little if anything. Then I moved out for about 12 years, somewhat on my own. Whenever I needed a free meal I could always "drop in for a visit". Lucky for my mom, she wasn't that good a cook so I didn't come by every night and eat up her food.
After I was diagnosed with MS, we thought it might be a good idea to move to an area where life was less stressful and we'd be closer to our relatives. We returned to the family stomping grounds, and many a summer adventure for me, and purchased a home that we then renovated into two full houses and a large office space.
We have separate electric and natural gas bills, but share the water and the alarm system. We also have a shared laundry room accessible from either side of the house. The lot is 3/4 of an acre giving us ample room to plant vegetable and flower gardens, put in a swing set for my daughter and grow nut and fruit trees. Now and then the deer and squirrels let us have some fruit and nuts. We also share the cost of the property taxes and property insurance. We insure our cars together for discounts. My mom pays the AAA fee and I pay for the family cell phone plan. The wireless wifi covers my mom's side of the house as well.
Neither of us could live as well if we lived alone. And there are the non-cash extras such as the time my daughter and my mother get to spend together since they live in the same house. The ease we have in caring for each other when sickness hits since we live in the same house.
We do have separate kitchens and buy separate groceries. It works for us and we planned to live together for a long time when we moved in here so we set it up to work with an eye toward both privacy and togetherness.
Maybe your parents have a large home that you have the money to renovate into something workable for both of you. What would it take minimum? An extra bathroom, a small kitchen and a separate entrance. I think both parties need to be able to come and go without going through the other's space and prepare a private meal. Some newer homes are now being planned with an in-law or grandparents suite already included. When one side is no longer needed, the extra home space could be rented or utilized by another relative -- sibling? aunt? uncle? who'd work well in a similar arrangement.
Maybe neither of you has a suitable home and need to sell both current homes and buy or build something new. That's what my mom and I did. Neither of us owned a home large enough to accommodate both of us and an office, so we sold what we had and bought something we could mold into exactly what we needed and raise both our standards of living.
This might not work for you at all, but it's certainly something to consider if making ends meet isn't as easy as it used to be. Living side by side will make it easier to share as many expenses as possible especially the largest -- property taxes, property insurance and the mortgage. Also, if your parent, or you, ever needs someone around to make sure everything is "all right" there's no need to make an extra trip or interrupt the day to check on your parent, just open a door and say hello.
It will take some working out, maybe even some growing up -- for parent and child -- but I don't subscribe to the do-it-all-on-your-own theory. I think families should help each other out as much as they can when necessary. Many things might not be possible but surely a warm, dry place to live with a little food on the table can be achieved with a some forethought and consideration.
And if incomes are low enough, there might be some tax implications to consider. There's nothing wrong with being a boomerang kid as long as you hold up your end of the boomerang.
I'm not talking about freeloading. I'm talking about sharing a home and the expenses.
Maybe neither of you have much money and by joining forces you can improve your standard of living.
My mother and I have been sharing a home for twenty-one years in this last go around. We shared a home for the first 18 years of my life, to which I contributed very little if anything. Then I moved out for about 12 years, somewhat on my own. Whenever I needed a free meal I could always "drop in for a visit". Lucky for my mom, she wasn't that good a cook so I didn't come by every night and eat up her food.
After I was diagnosed with MS, we thought it might be a good idea to move to an area where life was less stressful and we'd be closer to our relatives. We returned to the family stomping grounds, and many a summer adventure for me, and purchased a home that we then renovated into two full houses and a large office space.
We have separate electric and natural gas bills, but share the water and the alarm system. We also have a shared laundry room accessible from either side of the house. The lot is 3/4 of an acre giving us ample room to plant vegetable and flower gardens, put in a swing set for my daughter and grow nut and fruit trees. Now and then the deer and squirrels let us have some fruit and nuts. We also share the cost of the property taxes and property insurance. We insure our cars together for discounts. My mom pays the AAA fee and I pay for the family cell phone plan. The wireless wifi covers my mom's side of the house as well.
Neither of us could live as well if we lived alone. And there are the non-cash extras such as the time my daughter and my mother get to spend together since they live in the same house. The ease we have in caring for each other when sickness hits since we live in the same house.
We do have separate kitchens and buy separate groceries. It works for us and we planned to live together for a long time when we moved in here so we set it up to work with an eye toward both privacy and togetherness.
Maybe your parents have a large home that you have the money to renovate into something workable for both of you. What would it take minimum? An extra bathroom, a small kitchen and a separate entrance. I think both parties need to be able to come and go without going through the other's space and prepare a private meal. Some newer homes are now being planned with an in-law or grandparents suite already included. When one side is no longer needed, the extra home space could be rented or utilized by another relative -- sibling? aunt? uncle? who'd work well in a similar arrangement.
Maybe neither of you has a suitable home and need to sell both current homes and buy or build something new. That's what my mom and I did. Neither of us owned a home large enough to accommodate both of us and an office, so we sold what we had and bought something we could mold into exactly what we needed and raise both our standards of living.
This might not work for you at all, but it's certainly something to consider if making ends meet isn't as easy as it used to be. Living side by side will make it easier to share as many expenses as possible especially the largest -- property taxes, property insurance and the mortgage. Also, if your parent, or you, ever needs someone around to make sure everything is "all right" there's no need to make an extra trip or interrupt the day to check on your parent, just open a door and say hello.
It will take some working out, maybe even some growing up -- for parent and child -- but I don't subscribe to the do-it-all-on-your-own theory. I think families should help each other out as much as they can when necessary. Many things might not be possible but surely a warm, dry place to live with a little food on the table can be achieved with a some forethought and consideration.
And if incomes are low enough, there might be some tax implications to consider. There's nothing wrong with being a boomerang kid as long as you hold up your end of the boomerang.
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