My father had his CPA office in our home and across the street from our house was a large cemetery. Now I have my office in my home and I live across the street from a funeral home. Death and taxes are always linked as two events that can not be avoided. To paraphrase a doctor I saw on television this week -- no matter what strides have been made in medicine, the final out come, death, is still 100%. Death is a depressing topic that everyone wants to avoid, however, it is unavoidable and ignoring it might make life easier on you, but more difficult for those left behind when you die. Everyone should prepare for death and here are some ideas about what to do.
I've been watching a series of shows that Nashville Public Television has been producing on aging in the United States, particularily in Tennessee. Death is not a general topic of conversation around the dinner table, even though everyone at dinner is dying, to a greater or lessor degree. Therefore when death is imminent few, including doctors, know what to do. Generally doctors are trained to do everything they can to keep a dying person alive, no matter what quality of life that person will have during and after the treatments. Quality of life has a different definition for everyone. By talking about death and dying before death is staring you in the face, everyone will have a better out come.
Everyone at every age needs to consider how they want their life to end. Do everything possible? Do everything possible only if I'm not going to remain a vegetable? Pull the plug if there is no hope? Donate all my organs? Donate none of my organs? Who will carry out these decisions if you are unable? Start thinking about this now and let people know. No doubt this won't be a once in a life time decision. As you grow and change and the people around you do the same, your ideas about death and dying will also change and your documents will have to be updated.
Here are some web sites and forms to review to help you record your final wishes. One is www.stjosephhospicefoundation.org where you can find a free download of the Five Wishes form. The Five Wishes form was developed by the St. Joseph Hospice Foundation to give people an outline of what needs to be considered before death. It asks the hard questions. Do you want life support no matter what? Do you want your organs donated? Do you want to die at home? Who do you want to decide that it's time to stop medical care if you're not able to make that decision for yourself? It even offers suggestion about activities you can request. Do you want someone to hold your hand while you are dying? Do you want to be surrounded by people? You can write it all down, sign it and notarize it. Do not put these forms in a safety deposit box. Put them in a file. Spread them around.
Some think the Five Wishes form is contradictory and too "religious" based. If you'd like a basic legal form to do much the same as the Five Wishes form, then go to www.compassionandchoices.org. From this site you can find state specific forms. Click on the state and go to the forms that apply to the state where you live. Fill these out and have them signed and notarized as well.
Remember you'll probably need to do this more than once. Life changes. Each decade you should review your forms and make changes. Maybe the person you chose to make your end of life decisions has died before you. You'll need to pick a new person for that role. Maybe your feelings about organ donation have changed. Or about drastic medical care to save your life.
There is nothing wrong or sad or depressing about thinking about your death and what you want to have happen when you die. It's just taking care of business. It's making sure the people you love don't have to wonder about what you wanted. It's making sure that they don't have guilt, shame and confusion to contend with while they are mourning your loss. Dying is part of living and it's time to recognize that and talk about it.
